had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
