i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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