Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
