Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
