Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
