Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
