You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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