I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sundayâ€
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