I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
