Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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