i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
