she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
