You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
