grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
