Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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