Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
