my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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