cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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