Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
