I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
