So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
