planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
