Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
