Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
