Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
