if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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