I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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