I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
