i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
