"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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