I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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