My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
