i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
