Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
