So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
