sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
