The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
