chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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