My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
