Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
