Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize