Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
