that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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