omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
