so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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