I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
