We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
