its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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