I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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