as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
